the journey to breastfeeding

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be pregnant and I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I have memories of stuffing my shirt pretending to be pregnant and playing house with all of my many dolls. I even remember pretending to breastfeed them.

When I started dating Chris, I knew I wanted to marry him. We had been friends for a year and a half before we started dating. I honestly wasn't that excited about my wedding. Planning it was more stressful than anything and I hate having attention on me in groups of people. But I loved Chris and I knew I wanted to be married to him and having a wedding (rather than eloping or getting married at the courthouse) I felt was something I did want to do in a way. Although, I'm very glad that I don't have to do it again. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being married I just didn't love planning and having a wedding. I honestly was more looking forward to having kids.

From weddingpropics

Once we were married we had already bought a house, we both had graduated college and Chris had a couple of years teaching under his belt and I had been a nurse for 2 years. I felt all the grown up things were in place so that I could finally make my dream come true of having a baby.

I never really discussed my plans with anyone but Chris because I was terrified of infertility. I knew that a lot of people had problems getting pregnant when they wanted to really badly and I was afraid of that happening to me. Luckily it only took three months. We were married in February, and I found out I was pregnant in June!

Unfortunately, I have to say that pregnancy was not all that I hoped it would be. Being a pediatric nurse, I know of a lot of things that can go wrong. I was terrified of miscarriage or finding out that there was a genetic problem. I was afraid I was going to go into preterm labor and have my baby at 25 weeks or have to be put on bedrest. I felt sick through the entire pregnancy and although I knew I should stop being so worried and just enjoy it, it was impossible to do. Then of all the things I was worried about, I ended up having Gestastional Diabetes which I had never really let cross my mind. So although food never sounded good and I was already a picky eater I had to stop eating all the things I did like. I'm pretty sure I was depressed for the first two weeks I found out I had it. This brought on a whole new set of worries. I read about an increased chance of stillbirth, bigger babies leading to more c-sections and inducing. I didn't necessarily have my heart set on an all "natural" birth but I wanted a chance at a vaginal birth.

From u/s pictures

Luckily, my gestational diabetes was easily controlled with diet. All of my non-stress tests were fine. Charlie came on his own at 39 weeks so I didn't have to be induced. I was able to have a vaginal birth and neither of us had any problems with our blood sugars after he was born.

As much as I didn't like being pregnant, I'm still excited to have more kids someday and I really enjoyed the labor and birth process!

Trying to get to the original point of this post...

I knew I wanted to breastfeed so I read all the books I could get my hands on, took the breastfeeding class (although I don't think I learned anything from it that I hadn't already learned from nursing school and books,) and I worked with the lactation consultant in the hospital and asked the nurses for help.

What made me think of this post was that someone had asked for moms to list the things they didn't like about breastfeeding and it got me thinking.

things i don't like (-) and do like (+) about breastfeeding from birth to almost 7 months:

- waking up engorged with a wet shirt when your nursing pad moved off your breast
-/+ pumping isn't very much fun although it is a sense of accomplishment when you fill up a bottle of liquid gold and see that all your baby needs to grow and develop comes from you.
- sometimes I do feel awkward feeding him in public but I'm slowing getting over that with the help of many online and real life breastfeeding moms and advocates!
+ easy and quick - no making a bottle, warming it up, cleaning bottles, etc.
+ no packing bottles and formula when going out or going on trips, etc.
++ free!
+++ snuggling and bonding with your baby, watching his beautiful face and seeing him look up at you
+ when you are around family and friends who steal your baby from you - I always know "atleast he has to come back to me for his food."
+ big boobs and cleavage
- breast lopsidedness and changing sizes when full vs empty
-/+ being the only one who can feed him I guess could be seen as a negative although you can always pump and let someone else take a turn and it doesn't bother me because I really try to enjoy every minute with him and I know it is going to go by fast and soon enough he won't need/want me as much
- nipple pain in the beginning. I'd say it really wasn't easy and pain free until almost 8 weeks. Although I think it was also fast letdown pain and oversupply.
- only being able to wear easy access shirts/outfits to be able to breastfeed in
+ you can always stop breastfeeding but I would think it's much harder to switch from formula feeding back to breastfeeding.

That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully I didn't miss any big ones, but I can always come back and add to it. I'm sure there will be more to add as Charlie gets older. I kind of wish I had some pictures of me breastfeeding. I do have a couple that I took myself with my phone so they aren't the best. I'll add a picture of Charlie though because no one likes blogs with out pictures!